Happy Valentines Day, EoJ. On account of the fact that I am single and in a foreign country, I have done absolutely nothing of note today.

As you can see, I have indeed checked the forum. I nominate Arvy to be thrown to the lions, because he seems to have refused to join the revolution. I am amenable to change my mind.

Happy day after Valentines Day everyone! Since there are so many New Zealanders here, that we should change the forum time to New Zealand time just to approve the masses!

What if your loved one lives halfway across the world and doesn't love you back?

In an not completely unrelated note, I listened to the Breaking of the Fellowship from the LotR soundtrack for the first time after having it on my iPod for 3 years. OH. MY. GOD. IT. IS. BEAUTIFUL.

Don't worry. It's not stalking if you love them.

She isn't active enough on the internet for what I do to actually qualify as stalking.

That's a shame.

I nominate Arvy to be thrown to the lions, because he seems to have refused to join the revolution.

Wait, what? What revolution?

Also, lololol my Valentine's Day. To quote what I told a friend on AIM earlier...

No cards, no candy. I actually was interested in giving someone else stuff and asking them to be my Valentine, but one, I was too scared, and two, she's interested in someone else. So I didn't, which makes me very sad. And when I got home, I finally bought Sigh No More. So I spent my time eating chocolate and listening to sad songs and crying until about 3, when I fell asleep crying. On top of all of this, I am starving because I didn't eat lunch despite having enough money because I like to starve myself because I feel I deserve the pain. So pretty par for the course, you know?

The sad part is, the friend I was telling this to, she's the one I wanted to ask. But she doesn't like me. She still loves her ex, who she broke up with under sad circumstances, and it breaks my heart, but I still like her. And it makes me happy to like her but it kills me inside.

And what I told her was around 8:30. After that, I discussed with her and another person how I need to eat and shouldn't starve myself and about hating myself and suicide. And how she wants to know my thoughts but is scared by them because they're suicidal. And I told her how every day after school when I walk to my car, I compose a suicide note in my head, but by the time I get home I cannot bring myself to actually write it down, and how I'm too cowardly to try to kill myself ever again, no matter how much I want to.

And then, I discussed with another friend suicide and how she wants me to get psychiatric help and she's worried about me. How I shouldn't wait. And she told me that she will track me for the next one month and see if my depression is actually better now than it was two months ago, as I claim, or if I am just saying that. And then we talked until 1:30 AM or so about the guy that she likes. Because that guy told her that he likes her and toyed with her for a good long while and then kicked her to the curb and told her that everything was a lie, and now he doesn't even acknowledge her presence, and despite it being months since then, she's still incredibly depressed about it everyday. So we talked for hours about that.

I feel like I actually just described a regular day in my life.

[This message has been edited by Arvedui (edited 02-15-2011 @ 04:29 AM).]

The revolution in which I declared we were bringing this heaven back. Which seems to be working!

Also, de acuerdo with regard to being single sucking.

And at least the girl you wanted to ask out is still single, unlike mine. Worst part is, I actually helped the girl I like (for 8 years this April) make her first boyfriend.

How can you have so many friends to hang around with and still be depressed? Surely that's got to help.

You need happier friends too. If I see that the friend I'm talking to is depressed, I would never talk about my problems.

Suicide isn't an act of bravery, it is an act of cowardice. Each time you fail to convince yourself to commit suicide you're being brave and asking yourself to face another day of whatever it is that depresses you.

Things will always get better. Earlier you didn't have people to hang out with you, now you do. If something is bad, it will always improve. Who knows, you get into a great college and have an even better time there.

I'm sorry if this seems like I'm counseling you without you asking for it, but I had to say all of this.

I don't have a girlfriend (never have) so Valentine's Day for was pretty much just eating some candy my grandma bought me. What I'd like to know is how a Christian martyr's memorial day ended up little more then a commercial holiday.

Same here, minus both the candy and the grandmother.

When you think about the fact that one of the countries with the highest adherence to Christianity is also the capital of consumerism, it's not that difficult to see, is it?

Well, Arvy, you've improved over the years from my viewpoint.
You also stopped hanging out on an internet forum! That's definite improvement in anyone's book

Also, the Pony continues its wonderful tradition of being home to the lonely hearts club of HG. But then we're a LotR-themed game, what on earth do you expect?

How can you have so many friends to hang around with and still be depressed? Surely that's got to help.

Depression is chemical in the brain. It's not always controlled by outside forces. I cannot control my depression.

Suicide isn't an act of bravery, it is an act of cowardice. Each time you fail to convince yourself to commit suicide you're being brave and asking yourself to face another day of whatever it is that depresses you.

I know this very well. Yet, I still tried, multiple times. Came so close once, too. I was strangling myself and when I collapsed because of lack of oxygen, my arms gave way and the wire became loose and I started breathing again. I didn't have the energy to move my hands back and pull again, or I would have.

Well, Arvy, you've improved over the years from my viewpoint.

I never tried to commit suicide before. I feel I've gotten worse. But better over the last two months, at least.

You also stopped hanging out on an internet forum! That's definite improvement in anyone's book

Quite! Aha.

And things like anti-depressants and SSRIs don't help?

...there goes my post-cooking-success feeling of happiness!

You've no doubt heard it all before Arvy, but lots of exercise and keeping busy, out of the house. May help. Does help some people I know.

You also stopped hanging out on an internet forum! That's definite improvement in anyone's book

Ah bollocks I've started going backwards.

And things like anti-depressants and SSRIs don't help?

I am not on anti-depressants.

You've no doubt heard it all before Arvy, but lots of exercise and keeping busy, out of the house. May help. Does help some people I know.

I know. It helps me. But I can't do it constantly, and a lot of the time, even when I am out, it doesn't help. I just have a constant feeling of depression.

Oh, well.

Where there is a will, there is a way. I'm sure that you can find a way.

Also, the Pony continues its wonderful tradition of being home to the lonely hearts club of HG. But then we're a LotR-themed game, what on earth do you expect?

So incredibly true. It also explains the massive interest in Hnossa :P

Though thinking back, the time I essentially left the forum coincided pretty well with the rough time when I discovered that for me, getting a girlfriend is pretty easy.

Honestly, surprised it took you so long. I stalk your facebook anyway late at night...

Honestly, surprised it took you so long. I stalk your facebook anyway late at night...

Stalk away, dear friend, it's why I have one

And I do that to EoJ.

Happy Valentines day all <3 :D

Lol a bit late now.

A guest is never late, nor is he early, he posts exactly when he means to!

I should hope he doesn't arrive early - that's social unacceptable!

And potentially hilarious.

Not if you're the host!